When You’re Smiling but Struggling: Masking in Therapy and What It Really Means
You finally made the brave step to go to therapy. You show up, week after week, talking about your goals, your stress, your relationships and yet, something still feels off. You’re doing the work, but not much is shifting. Deep down, you might be wondering: Why do I still feel stuck? Let’s talk about it
You might be masking in therapy.
What Does It Mean to “Mask”?
Masking is a survival strategy. It’s what we do when we feel like our real thoughts, emotions, or needs might be “too much,” “not enough,” or somehow unsafe to reveal. It’s the smile you wear when talking about your childhood. The calm voice you use while describing a moment of heartbreak. The way you always pivot the conversation to your job or others instead of yourself.
In therapy, masking can sound like:
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“I’m fine now, I just want to move on.”
“It’s nothing serious; I just overthink sometimes.”
“I know I should be grateful, other people have it worse.”
Why We Mask (Even in Safe Spaces)
If you’ve spent years, maybe decades, learning to hide your pain to stay accepted, loved, or even just safe, unmasking isn’t going to happen overnight.
You might be:
A high achiever who’s been praised for holding it together.
A people-pleaser who fears being seen as difficult or dramatic.
A trauma survivor who’s learned to disconnect from emotion as a form of protection.
Someone who’s been misunderstood or gaslit in the past.
Therapy might be the first place in your life where you’re invited to be fully real but that doesn’t mean it instantly feels natural.
Here’s What I Want You to Know:
You don’t need to earn your therapist’s care by being “easy” or “good.”
There’s no gold star for having the most polished answers.
Your tears, silence, confusion, rage, and even resistance—they’re all welcome.
You don’t need to apologize for the mess. In fact, the mess is often where the most healing happens.
Unmasking Is a Process, Not a One-Time Reveal
Letting your guard down takes time. And it should. Trust isn’t built instantly it’s built in small moments where your vulnerability is met with safety, respect, and presence. Therapy is one of the few places where you can practice that without pressure. If you’re reading this and realizing, wow, I’ve definitely been masking, that’s not a failure. That’s awareness. And awareness is the first step toward deeper healing. If you’re curious about what it could look like to show up more fully, more honestly—without the mask—I’d be honored to walk with you in that process. Because you deserve more than just surviving. You deserve to be seen.
